|
How To Communicate More Effectively For Superior Results
Effective communication
is the secret to getting your needs met. For effective
communication to occur, you have to be able to state
your message clearly, and someone needs to listen and
understand it. It is impossible to control how well
people will listen, but how well our message is sent
can certainly be controlled. This sounds simple, but
many people run into difficulties by using an inappropriate
communication style.
There are four styles of communication:
a. Aggressive, b. Passive, c. Passive-aggressive and
d. Assertive
An aggressive communication style is
one where the point of view is expressed with little
or no regard for the rights, thoughts and feelings of
others. Aggressive communication is intimidating, manipulative,
and more about power and control, rather than cooperation
and communication. Bullying, yelling, threatening and
blackmailing may get the job done, but the cost to personal
and business relationships may be very high. Being on
the receiving end can be frightening and generate resentment
and anger.
The passive style is ultimately about
never getting your needs met. Some people do not, or
can not, express their needs openly. Some would rather
agree with whatever is going on, or 'do without' rather
than risk rocking the boat. By not communicating their
needs to others, there is little chance they will be
met. This can lead to feelings of low self-esteem, not
being worth the trouble, or the idea they are being
intentionally neglected.
Communicating in the passive-aggressive
manner is about being indirect. Some people just hint
at what they really want. Others are expected to anticipate
their needs by inferring message or action that needs
action. The purpose or action desired is never stated
clearly. Some examples are: the silent treatment, pouting,
sarcasm, making faces or rolling the eyes. The problem
here is that it is expected that people can read these
indirect messages clearly. Since people are not mind
readers, this doesn't work very well.
The most effective style of communicating
is the assertive mode. This is the ability to clearly
express ones thoughts and feelings, as they occur, without
trampling others' rights. It involves the ability to
take responsibility for communicating what one believes,
needs and wants. It is equally important to be able
to disagree and say no in a way that respects the rights
of others. Expressing ideas in a straightforward, assertive
manner can build respect, self-esteem, and certainly
make relationships more productive and less volatile.
How do we do this?
Be direct, specific, and honest with
the person you are communicating with. If there is a
problem being discussed, state it clearly and do not
avoid the issue. Be specific and give examples that
illustrate the point being made. Do not allow emotions
to control communication. When this happens, one can
get caught up in the emotion and lose the intended message.
Here is a formula that has been around
for quite some time that can help send a clear message.
"When you__________. I feel ___________, and I
want/need you to ____________." An example with
the blanks filled in would be: "When you...come
home from work and go straight to the TV, I feel...neglected
and taken for granted. I'd like you to...say hello and
maybe give me a hug before you relax." In this
example, the specific action causing concern is clearly
stated, the emotion and feeling is owned and identified,
and the desired corrective action is stated. Basically,
ones need are put out on the table for consideration.
It doesn't necessarily mean that they will be met, but
at least they are stated in a clear, direct and non-threatening
manner.
An assertive, direct, communication
style will result in a much greater chance that ones
needs will be met. It is up to the other party to listen
to what is being said and act on it...or not. At least
you have done your part to maximize chances for your
message to be clearly considered and understood.
1howto.com
--------------------------------------------------
Please
Share Your Tips with Us
|
